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How to Survive Long-Term Unemployment

26 Mar

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To be honest y’all, I don’t know if I’m completely qualified to write this article. My 5-month job hunt has got me holding on to my sanity by my last pinkie finger. And it’s slipping off quickly.

So this won’t be one of those corny, “Hold on a little longer. You can do it” type articles. Cuz right now I’m going through it.

After sending in tons of applications only to find an empty inbox the next day, and repeating that routine day after day, I find myself constantly frustrated, often frowning, and sometimes on the brink of tears. Unemployment, under-employment, and seemingly never-ending job hunts can really fuck with your self-esteem. So if you’re like me, struggling to keep it together mentally–try a few of these tips:

1. Find comfort in a few good friends. When I’m in the thick of my job hunting for the day, and I’m pissed off because insert-company’s-name-here’s application takes an hour to complete, good conversation is exactly what I need. Talking to them about totally unrelated subjects is quite healing. And friends are always helpful when you need to vent.

2. Vent when you need too. If you’re angry, yell at the wall. Curse as much as you need to. Call a friend and tell them your frustrations. No need to hold it in. But don’t vent too much. If you’re harping on negative things, you’ll be stuck in that feeling the whole day. So when you do need to vent or complain, give yourself a time limit and don’t go over it.

3. Exercise regularly. Trust me–if you’re not doing this, you should. I’ve gotten so bored from filling out applications that I body has has become sluggish 24-7. I feel overslept from just sitting at my desk. It’s quite awful, and I haven’t figured out how to get rid of the feeling (I’m beyond the point of no return…running doesn’t help me). But exercise might save the rest of you from the sluggish doom.

4. If you pray, pray often. (If not, skip over this section. I’m not here to convert you to anything). God and I have had some serious chats about my future. And though I haven’t figured it all out yet, reminding myself that God is supporting me and has big plans is very comforting. And as my preacher always says, “You don’t need to tell God about your big problems, you need to tell your problems about your Big God.” (Oh, and while you’re at it, add me to your prayer list…k, thanks).

5. Find something that’ll make you laugh hard. Modern Family has been my saving grace. Watch some comedians on Youtube. Have a “Best Vines” marathon. Laughing might be exactly what you need.

6. Don’t take it personally. If you’re putting your best foot forward and applying for jobs whenever you can, then it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. Lots of people are in the same position.

7. Take the Naomi Campbell approach. If you ever watch an interview with Naomi Campbell, you can tell that she is very aware that she is Naomi Campbell, supermodel diva with an impressive and long-lasting career. She’s a boss and she knows it.

Sometimes, we have to be confident like Naomi and remind ourselves of how talented we are.

Here’s my reminder for myself when I’m not feeling that great: I’m Ritashae Collins. I’m a talented writer. I’ve been published in 9 different places, print and online. My writing makes people think and change. People tweet at me with quotes from my writing that inspire them. I’m fucking quoteable! I’m highly-qualified for the positions I’ve applied for and any company that passes over my resume (can suck it) has lost out on an awesome candidate.

I suggest you create your own mini speech to remind yourself just how awesome you are.

I even created a pick-me-up meme: UE SHAE @

8. Don’t give up hope. I know I said I wouldn’t be cheezy but this is real: having hope means that you still believe in yourself. Once you give that up, you may never get a job.

Good Luck

I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse to be a Virgin

13 Mar

Virgin Photo Hey Everyone. I published another article on XO Jane this week–and at first I was keeping it a secret. The article gets really personal, and because of that, I’d originally decided not to publish it on this blog. I usually don’t mind if strangers know my business; however, I know that some of my friends and family members read my blog–and I didn’t really want them to know the details of my (non) sex life. Also, in the midst of searching for a job, I didn’t want potential employers to read the post either.

Then, Jezebel republished the article-and it started getting more attention. Random people and feminist publications tweeted me about it.  A friend of mine saw it and posted it on Facebook. And you know, after something hits Facebook, everyone sees it.
At first, I was somewhat embarrassed that people I knew were reading my private thoughts about sex. But then, more friends wrote on my wall and tweeted me, telling me how the article resonated with them. Apparently, there were many  women who felt the same way I did.

Now I’m glad I shared my story.

So here it is:

I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse to be a Virgin

A few months ago, my friends went around the table talking about the most bizarre places they’ve had sex. When it was my turn, their jaws dropped at my response. Then someone made a soft, “Awww,” — the kind you give a baby after she lets out a burp. It was the first time I admitted to a group of feminists that I was a virgin — something I’d been ashamed of for a while.

I’m not religious, I don’t have a fear of sex, and I have an awesome boyfriend of 2 years who would be at my doorstep in seconds with a box of condoms if I made that call. On top of all that, I occasionally write for a sex-positive site called Slutist. But despite these factors, I am a 22-year-old virgin.

I know 22 isn’t really that old. But in a country where the average age of virginity loss is 17, teens are having sex on popular TV shows (I’m sure in a few years, even characters on Disney Channel will be getting their freak on), and feminists have worked tirelessly to make it OK for young women to embrace their sexuality, 22 seems a little late in the game. My few virgin friends and I are the weirdoes.

Most people don’t understand it — not even my own mother, who is beginning to wonder if something is psychologically wrong with me.

What my mother and friends don’t know is that just like them, I also don’t understand why I’m not having sex…Read more

Author’s Note: This piece was originally published on XO Jane and republished on Jezebel. You can read the full article by clicking the link above.

Top Blogs to Follow During Black History Month

5 Feb

20010129 BLACK HISTORYHappy Black History Month Everyone! Last year, I created your Top Reads for Black History Month—but I know some of y’all didn’t even bother to turn a page during the entire month (yes, I’m shaming you). You can check out that list if you need some reading suggestions. However, if you need something short and sweet, might I suggest a few blogs and sites that may have some of the most interesting content during the month:

Racialicious-the intersection of race and pop culture.  I always turn to Racialicious when there’s a race-related debate going on. Their writers and editors are on point and always present perspectives that other news/blog outlets gloss over. (And I’ve written for them before so I’m definitely a fan!)

Twerked presents great conversation on women of color, their sexuality, their interests and their love of hip hop. Twerked gives an educated black feminist view on twerking. So you can stop watching those stupid twerking segments on nighttime news; this blogger’s got you covered.

The Gradient Liar -Black Women + art, media, social media, socio-politics, and culture. If you’re trying to upgrade your knowledge of womanist politics during this month, check out The Gradient Liar.

The Crunk Feminist Collective– The name is pretty self-explanatory. The site is a place for hip hop generation feminists to express their thoughts.

Colorlines -Though not technically a blog, Colorlines is a daily news site where race matters. Check them out for almost any topic of your interest.

Media Diversified tackles the lack of diversity in UK media. The organization has an army of writers on worldwide topics and news.

Rap Rehab is a popular site for music-lovers that want to know more about race and politics in the music industry.

Hood Feminism– creators of several trending hashtags on twitter (#fasttailedgirls, #solidarityisforwhitewomen, and more), Hood Feminism is bound to stir up some good conversation during Black History Month on both twitter and the blog.

TransGriot provides news, opinions, and commentary from a proud African American transwoman who is an award-winning blogger.

And of Course: A Womyn’s Worth will bring your weekly black history month insight when you need it. On the days when I’m not posting, check out some of those blogs I mentioned above.

P.S.: if you’re looking for some Black History Month comedy—watch SNL’s “28 Reasons to Hug a Black Guy.” I couldn’t stop laughing.