Tag Archives: asexual relationship

How I Confront Sex Positivity and Consent as an Asexual Feminist

2 Aug

Ace Flag 1

I was scrolling down my Tumblr feed the other day, when I came across a post in all caps that read, “THE ‘A’ DOES NOT STAND FOR ‘ALLY!’”

I immediately got the reference, and chuckled a bit, because it’s a common misconception about the LGBTQIA+ acronym I used to have. It wasn’t until I started to question my own sexuality that I understood the A represented a sexual orientation I hadn’t realized I was: asexual.

I first considered that I was asexual about three years ago, when I was still a virgin. I had met the perfect guy, but I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t want to sleep with him.

For some reason I thought I would feel something magical and intense, and in that moment, I would know it was the right time. It seems silly, but for someone who has never experienced sexual attraction, that is how I imagined people decided they wanted sex.

That feeling of readiness never happened. Eventually, I became impatiently curious, and figured I’d try it out. My first time was more of an experiment for me rather than a real desire to have sex.

As an asexual person, “ace” for short, I do not experience sexual attraction, which is what generally characterizes aces. As an added bonus, I also do not experience sexual desire and sometimes feel a bit sex averse. Asexuality has a spectrum, so there is a lot of diversity in the asexual community, people who experience varying levels of attraction, desire, and aversion.

I wasn’t ready to accept my asexuality three years ago. After misunderstanding it for about two years and reading about alternatives for why I had no desire for sex, I decided to take an online test that was supposed to tell me if I was asexual or not.

My results… read more at Slutist.

6 Ways to Support a Friend Who Recently Came Out As Asexual

8 Mar

ACE Friendship“Maybe you should see a sex therapist,” one of my closest friends suggested, after I told her my boyfriend and I were having trouble with my asexuality.

“I’m asexual, Cammie. It’s a sexual orientation. It’s not exactly something you can fix–”

“Well, I don’t think you’re trying hard enough,” she said. “How do you expect him to work this out with you if you’re not even willing to try to solve your problem?”

I didn’t feel like protesting any more after Cammie’s last remark, so I gave up and changed the subject. She wasn’t the first to suggest I seek professional help. A few other friends felt my “problem” was psychological, and could be worked out with several trips to a therapist.

I was tired of people telling me there was something wrong with me and hated the reminder that I wasn’t like everyone else.

So I stopped telling friends about my asexuality after that talk with Cammie, but I still needed advice on how to handle my relationship with my allosexual boyfriend. Without bringing up asexuality, I mentioned to another friend that my boyfriend and I were having trouble because of our mismatched levels of sexual desire…read more at Everyday Feminism. 

Hey Fam! I’ve been wanting to publish on Everyday Feminism for years. I was recently hired as a contributing writer there, and will be covering topics related to racism asexuality and more. The full text of this article is there, so  check it out. Thanks for your support!

Photo courtesy of Lionel Fernandez Roca via Flickr.

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