Tag Archives: Can I Have Yo Number

There Won’t be a 2nd Date if…

3 Jul

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I recently came across an article about dating turn-offs and I didn’t love it. So I thought I’d do my own list. Feel free to add on to my list—and let me know what your dating no-no’s are. Here are mine:

  • The only reading he does is the track list of the Yeezus album (By the way, Born Sinner was better and I don’t support Kanye). Here’s the thing: I’m an avid reader. Reading is sexy. I don’t date guys that don’t read!
  • Video games are his only form of exercise. Sorry, playing NBA 2K13 on your XBOX does not count as a sport. He doesn’t have to have abs like David Beckham, but I will not date a couch potato.
  • He doesn’t know how to express himself without dropping an F bomb every few seconds.

Some guys have the most triflin ways try and get a woman’s number and attention. So…

There Won’t Even be a 1st Date if…

  • He doesn’t understand the concept of personal space. I have issues when guys  touch me when we first meet. You may disagree with me on this one, but I have a thing for personal space. If I don’t know you don’t touch me! Don’t put your arm around me. Don’t hug me. Keep your hands to yourself.
  • He says “Aye” or “Come here” (or something along the lines of the dog in the 1st picture) to get my attention. That is so rude! I don’t respond well to commands or shouts from strange men on the streets. If you want to talk to me—move your ass over to where I’m standing.
  • He makes comments about my body before he knows my name. Some guys seem to think it’s a turn on to comment on body parts to get a woman’s attention. But really it shows exactly what’s on their minds. Also, if someone comments on a part of my body as an opening line, it feels as if they are not seeing me as a whole person.  
  • He comes to the door with his pants sagging. Seriously? Grow the hell up! I’m not 100% sure when this trend became popular, but I remember my friends sagging their pants in 5th grade. It’s not cool anymore (I’m not sure it ever was).  Let that trend die please.
  • He’s old enough to be my father. The audacity of some older men! I am in my early 20’s and prefer not to date too much older than myself. I know some women prefer to date older, but if you can remember the Korean War—back up.
  • He doesn’t know the definition of NO.
    Can I have it? Can I have it?

    Can I have it? Can I have it?

    For some odd reason, some guys seem to think that if they ask for my number several times in other ways, I will give it to them. It’s like, you asking again and stressing your desire to have it is not going to make me change my mind.

Am I forgetting any major 1st/2nd date turn offs? What are your major deal breakers?

“Aye Sexy” is NOT How I Like to be Approached

7 May

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I’ve wanted to write a post on how to reject a guy who disrespectfully approaches women with ignorant comments like, “Damn sexy!,” “Aye shawty,” and “Where yo boyfriend at?” like the guy from the Mad TV sketch, “Can I Have Yo Number?” I wrote that post several months ago but never published it because I felt like it was missing something.

After recently watching the video “Take Back the Night – Catcalling” by students at USC, I realized the seriousness of all those rude comments catcallers say.

First of all, let’s call it what it is: street harassment. When guys on the street rudely approach or speak to women in demeaning ways that are unwanted, it’s harassment. However, many people are under the false impression that catcalling isn’t a big deal.

There’s a serious problem when people feel they can’t be who they are out of fear that they may be harassed. Many of the students in the USC video talked about how they felt the need to change their behavior. Some women said they changed their walking route so they would feel safer. Others talked about the need to change their clothing so guys don’t think they are “asking for it,” as many rape culture promoters like to say. One student in the video talked about how she went to great lengths to avoid her harassers, saying she was “active in creating [her] own invisibility and really adamant about being invisible to all men around [her].”

What kind of society do we create when people feel they have to somehow make themselves unseen in order to safely walk down the street?

Catcalling creates a power structure. Usually, it belittles a woman and reduces her to a sexual object in order for a man to feel he has a certain power. Street harassment is intimidating, it creates fear, and it’s embarrassing.

Yet, some people have this distorted idea that catcalling is a complement. One ignorant blogger, who must’ve somehow crowned himself an expert on how women think, said that women only pretend not to like catcalling. He wrote:

“…are you women so delicate that you can’t take a construction worker giving you a compliment…Grow up already! Though you’ll never admit it, even to yourself, you enjoy the attention.”

All I could think while reading his bullshit was, “Oh yes, please tell me more about how I crave my own commodification through rude comments from guys who were never taught manners!”

And yes, I’ll admit it: I do love attention. I do like complements. However, I prefer to be approached respectfully. Tell me I’m beautiful. Introduce yourself. Tell me you would like to take me to dinner. Offer me your number. Maybe I’ll give you mine. If I decline, don’t get mad—move right along.

If you can’t do that you’re not worth my time.

As blogger Anna Nettie Hanson of Girl Who Fought Back says, “Catcalls function as asshole identifiers.”

Now ladies, there are a few things we can do about street harassment. Some people say just ignore it—but really, we need to speak up. Ignoring the guy doesn’t teach him anything. He might speak the same way to the next woman he sees.

So here’s the best approach I can offer:

Step 1: Reject him. You don’t need a fool who talks to you like that (but of course you know that already).

Step 2: Call him out! Reeducate him. If you don’t do it nobody will, and he’ll just keep talking to women the old kind of same way. Break the Cycle!

Step 3: Confidently, with your head held high walk right on out of there. Show him that if he wants a woman of your sophistication, beauty, creativity, and intelligence, he’s gonna have to do better. Also, be proud that you were brave enough to speak up. Consider it your small form of  activism for the day.

I’m beyond tired of hearing “Aye Sexy,” “Where yo boyfriend at,” and all the variations. It’s time we put a stop to it.

To view the USC students’ video, click here.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I only suggest speaking up if you feel physically safe to do so. I know some guys do invade physical and personal space, in which case you know get out of there as fast as you can.

 

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